


The aftermath

by Deathista



Category: Star Wars Legends: The Old Republic
Genre: Angst, Crisis of umbara spoilers, F/M, Ficlet
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-02
Updated: 2017-09-16
Packaged: 2018-12-23 02:37:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 2,780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11980296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deathista/pseuds/Deathista
Summary: Jedi knight dealing with events after the crisis of umbara.





	1. Chapter 1

“There is no emotion, there is peace.”

The familiar litany had no meaning for her now. Kneeling in her room, the Jedi’s grey robe pooled about her on the floor. Blood and smoke stained the coarse fabric. A rip through the side had occurred while jumping from a moving train. The train she had been meant to die on... 

It did feel like part of her had died.

The shattered glass on the floor reflected the flickering glow of the console on the wall. The blinking light advising her of messages that she didn't want to answer. A barrage of strikes with her lightsaber hadn’t damaged that portion of the machinery. 

It had been..what... a day? It was all a blur, there had been pain, then rage.. then nothing. There was no peace.. There was no calm. There was simply emptiness.

The swish of her door opening seemed distant as she stared at the lightsaber hilt in her hands. 

“Commander, you need to come with me.” Torian’s voice nearly made her drop the blade. He pulled her to her feet, steadying her as blood slowly returned to her limbs. As he lead her through the hallways, she noted the usually bustling corridors were empty. He pulled her into one of the smaller kitchen areas. Pointing to a table, he walked off towards the wave oven. 

Something smelled extremely spicy as he made his way back over. 

“Tiingilar. Eat.” The look on his face clearly showed that he was willing to force the issue. Glancing around the room she sighed, no one else was around. 

Picking up her fork, she almost revolted anyway. The smell of the casserole alone was enough to make her sweat. Eyeing the large loaf of bread that he had placed between them, she dug in. As he watched her eat, she felt a small amount of energy return to her body. Finishing her portion, she took a smaller spoonful and ate that as well. 

“Come.” Grabbing two packs, he slung one over his shoulders and handed her the other one. His sniper rifle came next, and one for her. Too exhausted to care, she shouldered the weapon and followed him into the night air. As he lead the way into the forest, she found herself having to rely on the force to navigate the treacherous path.

When he finally came to a stop in a clearing, her muscles burned from effort. The moon revealed a pond with a small beach. A stack of firewood lay to one side, and a ring of stones was beside it on the sand. 

“Go get cleaned up.” Torian gestured at the pond. 

Sighing, she threw down her pack and stripped off her grimy robes, the lure of cool water too much to resist after the hike. Swimming lazily, she turned onto her back, letting herself float. Staring up at the stars, she simply existed. 

A nearby splash pulled her out of the nearly trance-like state. Standing up, she found Torian next to her, his hair slicked down with water, scars highlighted by the moonlight. Wordlessly he handed her a bar of soap. Holding it to her face, she realized the fresh smell was a part of what she always smelled around Torian, herbs mixed with leather and metal. 

Rinsing out her hair, she accepted his hand to help pull her out of the water. A warm fire greeted her as he handed her a towel. Looking around for her robe to wash, she found it had been replaced by a stack of leather, her lightsaber carefully placed on top of the pile. 

“Tomorrow, I teach you to hunt.” The look on Torian’s face was unreadable as he threw a blanket over her shoulders.

“Why are we doing this?” Coughing, she spoke quietly, her throat still raw.

“You’re the commander of the alliance, and you’re wounded. I’m going to patch you up, and we are going to get back out there to fight.” 

With a harsh laugh, she dug her fingers into the blanket. “There is no fix for this. Let Lana take over as commander, or someone else.”

Torian knelt before her, taking her hands. “That aruetii left a void in you. You aren't going to get over that easily, but you will heal. I will fill the void he left as long as it takes.” 

“Torian.. why.. Why would you do this for me.. Why would you even want to..” 

“Shut up, cyar’ika.” Pressing his lips to hers, he pulled her to the bedroll.


	2. Chapter 2

“Greetings, savior of the alliance.” Lana’s steady gaze was challenging as Torian walked into the command center.

“I don’t know what you are talking about.” Looking away, he surveyed the room, obviously searching for one specific person.

“She’s out doing some scouting on Iokath. The Empire is rumored to have a new weapons cache.” Lana’s look turned frosty. “Which gives you and I a bit of time to chat.”

“I should get moving.” Torian turned to walk away, only to have Lana grab his shoulder in a vice-like grip.

“While I am extremely grateful the commander didn’t walk away from everything.. I would love to know what you were thinking, seducing her the day after Theron betrayed her... much less moving into her quarters.”

“She’s still alive.” Torian’s voice was intense. “I have seen the look in her eyes before. If I hadn't, she would be dead.”

“And what exactly will happen when you are done consoling her?” Lana said, a bitter look on her face.

“That depends on her.” Torian shrugged.

“And if she falls in love with you, what then? Will you break her heart?”

“Then I will have my riduur, and my life will be full.” Pushing past Lana, he left the room, purpose in his stride.

“Damn.” Lowering her head, Lana pounded her fists on the console. “It should have been me...”


	3. Chapter 3

“You used to ask me why I was with Theron.” Putting her hand on the grey stone slab, she carefully set the flowers on the dirt. “I could never answer other than the fact that I loved him.. I loved him with every fiber of my being.... well, I guess you were right. Dating a spy was a bad idea.”

Sighing, she sat and started cleaning the rifle Torian had gifted her. “I wonder what you would have said about sleeping with a Mandalorian... I know so little about him and his culture Vette.. but when I am with him, I can pretend things are ok. I have someone to come home to. I have someone to watch my back. I really don’t know why he is doing this.. holding me together when all I want is to stop existing.”

Looking up, she watched the clouds move across the sky, leaves swaying in the stiff breeze.

“Theron was my world. I have been living I guess, but I barely feel anything... I was accused of not being a Jedi anymore by some of the enclave. I think they are right.” Shifting position, she pushed her hair out of her face.

“You knew what it was like.. being sold into slavery. When my family betrayed me for credits... if the jedi hadn't rescued me I would still be there. I wish you were here. I am still so sorry that I failed you."

"Torian has always been so skilled with tactics.. when he said he wouldn't make it, I knew I had to help him. I guess I thought you could make it. I really thought you would be fine. You were always so skilled at getting out of everything anyone could throw at you... “ Sighing, she trailed her fingers over the carved letters. “I know I say this every time... I probably always will. I miss you Vette. You were the little sister I always wanted to have.”

Standing she kissed her fingers and placed them on the grave. “Wherever you are, watch out for me.. and help me not make any more stupid decisions about men..... I know, yeah.. right.... I just want him back, Vette. I want him back.” 

With a sad look, she walked away, leaving the sunlight dappled clearing behind her.


	4. Chapter 4

“Are you ever going to check those messages, Cyar’ika?” pointing the blade he was sharpening at the blinking light on the console, Torian raised an eyebrow. 

“Probably not.. if it is important it isn’t going to come in on my personal channel.”

“Do you mind if I?..” He looked at the light in annoyance.

“Knock yourself out.” Flipping over onto her stomach, she went back to reading through reports.

Torian accessed the console, quickly scanning the messages.

Arcann  
The Alliance

Bey’wan Aygo  
On the hunt

Theron Shan  
I love you

Eyes narrowing, Torian stole a sideways glance at his cyar’ika. Her heavy curls nearly covered her face. Her hard muscles and lean form stretched across the bed like a cat.. beautiful, graceful, and deadly. Deleting the messages, he walked over and started kneading her back.

“Mmmm.. anything interesting?” As she looked back over her shoulder, he was rewarded with the first smile he had seen on her face since...

“You have a lot of people wanting to support you.” moving his hands lower, he was rewarded with a happy sigh. 

“You know.. there is this one guy who has been incredibly supportive... I don’t think I have thanked him properly.”

“I have to say I like the sound of that.” Torian let his fingers trail down her neck. As her lips sought his, he renewed his vow. He would do anything to protect her. Anything.


	5. Chapter 5

“You didn’t use the force there, did you?” Torian’s tense expression relaxed as she shook her head. “Good, now set up over there and prepare for the next attack.” 

Slinging her rifle over her shoulder, she carefully surveyed the terrain as she moved towards the area Torian had designated, watching for signs of anything the slightest bit out of the ordinary. A slight shadow out of place was all the warning she had. Dropping into a crouch, she rolled and drew the blasters Shae had given her, aiming quickly at the figure that had a weapon pointed at where she had been. Two quick shots and they were bent over, stunned from her blasts. 

“Very good, Cyar’ika.” Walking over, Torian helped the man to his feet, clapping him on the back as he staggered off. “You keep sending her warriors back like this, and Mandalore may decide to adopt you herself.” 

“I bet that would be a first.. a force wielding Mandalorian.” 

“You are unique...” Running his fingers through her hair, Torian kissed her softly before letting go. “Now, time for you to go to see what Lana needed. I will see you tonight.” 

Strolling towards the command center, she shrugged her armor back into position. It was hard getting used to the beskar. While the armor Torian had given her wasn’t nearly as heavy as the plate most of them wore, it was still quite a difference from a plain grey robe. He had been right though. It had nearly broken her again to admit it. Her enemy now knew her better than anyone else. If she was going to survive to lead the alliance she had to change. 

Torian... wanted her to survive. He pushed her. He kept her distracted when she hurt, and gave her a hand up when she fell. Most of all, he reminded her there were reasons to live outside of herself. She owed him that. She owed that to everyone who woke up each day to fight for a better future for the galaxy.. and she owed it to the memory of the Theron she had loved.. even if that person didn’t exist anymore. 

Clenching her jaw, she waved at Lana across the hall. She would survive.


	6. Chapter 6

“You’re repressing your emotions.” Lana gazed at her over steepled fingers. “This isn’t the usual Jedi peace either. You are a dam waiting to break. If you don’t regain your tranquility or do something to release those emotions, they will likely destroy you.”

Sipping her caf, she stared into Lana’s golden eyes. “You don’t think I have tried? I have spent hours meditating. I have used every technique I learned.. and I still cannot find peace.”

“Then you need to release your anger.. use your pain. Theron meant a great deal to you, that is a wellspring of power you can tap into.” 

“Theron meant everything to me... but I can't.. not yet.” Sighing, she pulled out a knife and started sharpening it. “I can’t afford to fall apart now. I have people to fight for..and right now, I can fight.”

“Well obviously you can fight, you are starting to look like a walking arsenal.” The slight sneer in Lana’s voice was matched by a hint of anger in her eyes.

“Torian is teaching me new techniques..”

“I am sure he is. However that is not the topic of this conversation.” Lana’s voice was biting.

“And you would have me what.. turn into a Sith to throw him off balance? Exactly how is that supposed to help?” 

“Well it certainly wouldn't be as obvious as turning yourself into a Mandalorian broodmare for Torian Cadera.”

Her hand snapped up almost of its own accord. The force flew from her fingertips, hurling Lana backwards, until she and her chair hit the wall. “How dare you!” She screamed, rage flowing through her like water. “I have given everything to this alliance.. I have lost nearly everything I cared about...” Chest heaving, tears slowly started falling from her eyes. “Except you..T7... and Torian....” collapsing to the table, she started sobbing.

Lana extracted herself from the ruins of her chair, walking over and enveloping her in a hug. “It’s ok.. It’s ok...” 

When her sobs quieted, Lana finally released her, quickly walking off to find some napkins. “Just remember something Commander... no matter what is going through the traitor’s head...he loved you. You.. are loved by many. We are here for you. Including Torian, and myself. You don’t have to go through this alone, though you do have to go through it.”

Patting her on the back gently, Lana smiled. “Now go home to your lover, and see If you can’t meditate or something.”

Watching the Jedi walk away, Lana sighed.


	7. Chapter 7

“It’s hard to believe it has only been two weeks.” Torian’s fingers traced lazy circles on her back as he held her close. 

“I know what you mean.” Putting her head on his chest, she listened to his heartbeat, breathing in his scent.

“I am proud of you Cyar’ika. You have returned to life.” 

“I wouldn't have made it without you.” Looking into his eyes, she felt a calm that she had all but given up on.. and the beginnings of another emotion she wasn’t ready to admit to.

“I will always be here for you. As long as you need me.” Torian pulled her tight against him, as though he would never let go.

Kissing him, she bit back the words on her tongue. It was too soon to speak of anything more... too much lay ahead of them, but the thoughts comforted her as she drifted off to sleep.


	8. Chapter 8

“I lost my brother to the jetii.. but today I take a jetii as my sister. Aliit ori'shya tal'din... Welcome to clan Vizla, Al’verde.” Shae clapped her on the back.

Sweating in the heat, the commander tucked her new helmet under her arm. Torian smiled as he threw his arm around her shoulders. 

“You lucky or'dinii.. you should already be married to this woman.” Punching Torian on the shoulder, Shae mock glared at him. “I wouldn't have had to adopt her then.”

“Is that a command, Mand’alor?” Torian’s relaxed smile grew as he pulled her closer against his side. 

“I’ll consider it and let you know... Khomo! Time to start the celebration!”

Scanning the sea of armor, it felt odd. These people were all her family now. They were family in a way the Jedi order had never been.. with their detachment. These people had fought with her, bled with her, like the order, but they had also sang with her, celebrated..loved and truly..lived with her.

When she had last been in this clearing, she had learned a different path with Master....Shan... and Darth Marr. That path was no longer the path of a Jedi. She had been the commander, and a Jedi in name but no longer one in her heart. Today, she had a new name, Mandalorian. 

“Come, Cyar’ika.” Torian lead her into the crowd, into her new life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is for spacywaceynerd


End file.
